Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
