Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize