i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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