i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
