Don't you send me to vm
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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