apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What a dumb baby whore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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