Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
