Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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