I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
