Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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