First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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