1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
