Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
