It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
