She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
