he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
