will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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