i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
