I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
