The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
