I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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