That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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