before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
