You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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