but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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