Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
