Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
