nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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