let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
