she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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