It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
