What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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