his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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