i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
