I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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