i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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