I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
