I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
