Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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