I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
