i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
thus making me awesome and them whores
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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