So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
