I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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