he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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