My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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