Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
