he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
