I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
