this boner is exhausting
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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