Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
