I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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