nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
