Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize