it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize