Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
