woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
