he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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