You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize