I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize