one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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