I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
