Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
