I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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