well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
