She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
