remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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