You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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