to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
