Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
