Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
