Your tits are I can't wait for
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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