her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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