I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
