They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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