if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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