is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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