I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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