Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
