So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
