Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize