Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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