I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
