remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
