i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
