do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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