Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
