I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
