Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
