I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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