Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
