im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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