the day after is always just damage control
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize