Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We smell like vodka and hangover
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