I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
